Gender Reveal

Our experience learning our baby's gender and choosing a name

Since we learned of our baby’s diagnosis, I’ve found myself saying “I never thought I [fill in the blank]” more times than I can count. 

I never thought I could cry this much. 

I never thought I’d long for my pregnancy to not come to an end. 

I never thought that at 28 years old, I’d be researching funeral homes for my child.

And the topic of this week’s post: I never thought I’d do a gender reveal for my baby.

We kept the gender for both our boys a surprise. We totally understand why people want to find out gender ahead of time, and we love finding out and celebrating pink or blue alongside loved ones! But we personally have always treasured keeping gender an unknown until the moment of birth. For me, there’s been no better reveal than hearing Garret, at the conclusion of labor, saying “We have a boy!” and “We have another boy!”, bursting with pride as he places a healthy baby in my arms.

But once we learned our time would be limited with this little one, the choice to break from tradition became obvious.

Obvious, but not easy. 

I knew it would be extremely emotional to learn our baby’s gender no matter what. From the moment of our positive pregnancy test, we started to imagine and wonder about our growing family. As Arlen and Jonah wrestled, chased, and tackled each other in fits of giggles, it was so easy to picture another Bunn boy in the mix. We’d think about how lucky he’d be to have two ready-made best friends and mentors in his life. 

And if we had a girl…she’d have two big brothers to help shape her into a strong young woman, but would also protect her when needed. And Garret and I would get the new, joyful experience of raising a daughter. 

Either way would be beautiful. 

We found out on a walk around Lake Nokomis, which was one of our favorite pre-children date spots. We’d stopped by Caribou with our baby’s gender in a little envelope and asked the barista to write “it’s a girl” or “it’s a boy” on our to-go cups before securely covering the words with a hand protector. 

She gave us a big smile and “congratulations!” as she handed us the coffees and sent us on our way. I teared up, then, wishing this moment would be as purely joyful as she probably was thinking it would be. 

When we came to a bridge overlooking the lake, we pulled our hand protectors down on the count of three. 

It’s a girl!!!

We both cried for a good, long while as people rode by us on their bikes. 

They were tears of heartache and tears of joy. 

We’re doing the best we can to embrace the joy. Come what may, we have a daughter. And that is a beautiful gift.

We gave her the name that’s been at the top of our list for a girl since my first pregnancy, a name we always hoped we’d be able to use: Alva Norene Bunn.

Her middle name is after my Grandma Norene, who also had an August birthday (Alva is due August 2). When I learned our due date and imagined having a girl, I thought it would be so special to give a daughter born in the same month her name.

Grandma Norene has been in heaven since before I was born. She passed away of colon cancer when my mom and her siblings were young adults, and had not had any children of their own yet. My grandma had a tremendous faith and was not afraid of leaving this world, but my mom once shared with me that not having a chance to meet her grandkids was a very painful thing for her to fathom. So much so that she couldn’t talk about it. 

Even though it’s heartbreaking for us, it does bring me a lot of comfort to picture Grandma getting to meet Alva in heaven. 

We first heard the name Alva in the Christmas movie Klaus. Garret and I made a tradition of watching this movie back when it was just the two of us, and it’s since become a favorite with our boys at Christmastime, too. 

We originally thought the name was unique and beautiful, and the perfect length and number of syllables, especially for our short last name. But we fell in love with it even more when we learned its meaning: Alva is Hebrew in origin and refers to God’s highness and light. We hope this is what our daughter’s life will always point to, so we felt it was an even more perfect name for her.

We know there are likely only so many gifts of love we’ll be able to give Alva, so it also means a lot to be able to call her by the name that’s always been number one on our list. 

“A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth”

-Ecclesiastes 7:1 NIV

We told the boys they have a little sister by giving them raspberry sorbet. They were so excited to see what kind of ice cream daddy would come back with—pink or blue. (And excited for the ice cream, of course!) 

Arlen has known she’s a girl all along. When we told him I was pregnant, one of the first things he said was, “It’s going to be a girl baby because we already have a boy baby!” Even though we explained that God could still choose to give us a boy, he referred to the baby as “her” ever since.

We’d never shared what we planned to name the baby if she was a girl, though, so that part was still a surprise to him. He now loves talking to “Baby Alva”.

It was bittersweet to have this moment with our boys and see how excited they are. But in the same way this little girl will always be our daughter, she will always be their sister, so we are glad to be able to make these moments special for them. We hope to build the most positive experience for our boys with Alva while we have her here. And we intend to honor her as part of our family as they grow. 

We’re so grateful that even though she may not be with us long, we’ll all get to say her beautiful name for the rest of our lives. 

Arlen and Jonah learning they have a sister.

Please continue to pray for:

• Miraculous healing for our baby, now by her name, Alva Norene 

• Discernment and peace for healthcare and funeral home decisions

• That God would be protecting and preparing Arlen and Jonah’s hearts throughout this journey

• That our family could embrace the joy and build a positive memory for however long we have Alva with us

Thank you again for all of your love and prayer support. We hope we can be shocked when Alva is born, and continue to believe that God has the power to bring her full healing and astonish us all. 

“But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.”

- Job 5:8-9 NIV