Birthday

The day we will likely meet Alva face-to-face is now on the calendar

Tuesday, July 23, 2024.

As long as she doesn’t surprise us sooner, and as long as induction goes smoothly, that is the day we should meet our baby girl. 

I know there are a lot of “ifs,” but my gut feeling is that she’ll be with us until then. She’s a strong girl who’s already shown us she’s determined to challenge the odds of her diagnosis.

We let our midwives decide Alva’s birthday based on when the best medical team would be available to welcome her into the world. We just couldn’t bear to make that choice ourselves, and they were glad to take one decision off our plate. 

It still weighs on my heart to have a date on the calendar. We’ve had a very emotional week as our days with Alva now feel numbered in a more tangible way than before. 

But that also makes us more determined to use them well. 

Arlie and I made our second annual family summer bucket list just a couple weeks ago. I kept the one we made for 2023, which is already fun and nostalgic to look back on just a year later. In the years to come, it will be so special to know that Alva was along for much of our 2024 list. Just this weekend, we checked off several items: Pick strawberries, make strawberry shortcake, pancakes, and popsicles. (Yes, many of our bucket list items involve treats!)

We’ve also been introducing some books to the boys that address the topic of loss (not infant loss in particular as we feel that would be too explicit just yet). One that we’ve been loving is Goodbye to Goodbyes, which tells the story of Lazarus and how Jesus came to end forever goodbyes.

Even before reading these books, amazingly, Arlen had started talking and asking a lot of questions about heaven. We don’t really have an explanation for this–it could be a natural curiosity of his age, the fact that we go to church regularly and our kids’ ministry is amazing at sharing the gospel, or that we’d started more routine family Bible reading since he turned three. Whatever might be contributing, we believe God is ultimately at work and using all these things to prepare his heart. 

Some of the conversations we’ve had and comments he’s made have caught me off guard. The timing is sometimes too perfect, and what he’s saying too profound. I know when we tell Arlen about Alva’s story as he grows up, we’ll be able to tell him how much God spoke to us through him in addition to all the daily joy and purpose He gave us through both him and Jonah.

Because it’s too good not to share, here’s a sampling of what heaven is like according to a three-year-old:

• You ride there on a cloud, just like Jesus did. Sometimes when we’re outside, he’ll point at a cloud and say “that’s the one I want to ride to heaven on!”

• You can eat all the cookies you want

• There are lions and tigers there, but they don’t eat us

• There are no owies or blood

• There are no smelly onions

• The candy never runs out

• There are really high “jumping boards” (aka diving boards), but they’re not scary

• No one is without a home. In fact, everyone lives in a castle.

• Everyone is a kind friend to each other

• But everyone also has their own toys, so there’s no need to share

This is maybe not the list I would have thought up myself, but even as an adult, I have to admit he makes heaven sound pretty delightful. We’re very grateful he has a beautiful place in his mind to picture his sister going to. 

Because many who know my birthday have asked, I also want to address the closeness of Alva’s likely birthday to mine (July 25). I’ve never been induced before and have no idea how my body will respond. It could be a days-long process, so we are very aware that I could be in labor on my birthday. That could mean it will be the day we get to say hello (which would be beautiful) and/or goodbye (which would be hard, but also beautiful if  that is the day she goes to heaven). 

As much as it’s possible for us to, we do have peace with the timing. My midwives asked multiple times to make sure we didn’t want to go with an earlier date (July 23 was the last day of the range they were looking at). Being that the 23rd will already come too soon, we didn’t want to move up the date if it wasn’t necessary. And we’ve known for a while that my birthday would come at a hard time this year no matter when everything happens. 

In the years to come, we know late July will still be a hard time in many ways. When Alva’s birthday comes, I know we’ll be hit with a new wave of sadness, wondering what she would have been like and gotten up to at each new age and stage. There’s no way to sugarcoat or escape that pain. But we’re also hopeful late July will be a set-apart time in deeper and more beautiful ways. After all, it will be the time we got to share with Alva most intimately here on earth, and we’re praying that the joy of those memories is what will shine most brightly as the years go on. 

What we keep coming back to is that God knows when Alva’s birthday will be. He always has. We know He has a plan, and we trust Him. 

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

-Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

Making summer memories with our sweet girl.

Please pray for:

• Miraculous healing for Alva. We still believe God can shock us when she arrives!

• That induction would go smoothly and labor would not be a days-long ordeal

• That God would bring our family peace and comfort in more powerful ways than ever in the days leading up to July 23

• That all the plans to get loved ones here to meet Alva would come to fruition

• That God would bless all the kindness and sacrifices our family and medical team are making to give Alva the most beautiful time with us